Hello Young Lovers Wherever You Are...

Well, I've heard Valentine's Day referred to as "Single Awareness Day" for thoe of us who are sans Boyfriends or Girlfriends this February 14th.

For the record, my Valentine weighs 10 lbs., walks on 4 legs and is covered with hair. Sadly, I've done worse...

Screw You Australia?

'kay. If Canada is "America Lite" then Australia is "America Lite + Caffeine Free Great Britain." So how does the Autralian Prime Minister get off taking pot shots at one of our political parties (Da Democrats) and one of its candidates (Barack Obama)?

Everyone is entitled their own opinion and I am the firmest of believers in FREE SPEECH but for some reason I don't extend the freedom of speech unconditionally to our South Pacific ally. I mean is there even one candidate for President of the U.S. that could name the Australian P.M.'s opposition party, let alone the name of a single opponent? Don't get me wrong, I have great respect for a democracy formed by prisoners and prostitutes but what was he thinking?

Remind me to HAVE an opinion about Autralian politics because I WILL forget.

Kisses Mr. Howard.

Timothy

STINKY'S DIARY...what does she write there?

Dear Diary,

Oh what fun! In only four days I nearly have Fat Daddy completely trained! Today I got fresh kibble AND water at 4 AM just by "meowing" like I was crazy while I licked his ear. I can make him crawl on the floor, sleep pinned down and motionless and search for me just by running off and silently hiding. All of that and he plays fetch anytime I bring him a foam dart to throw.

But I musn't be unkind, Fat Daddy has REALLY ballooned since I stayed here last and he makes the greatest thing to sleep on. I can sit on his lap, belly, man-boobies or shoulder and they're all soft and hairy. It's like when I was a kitten with squinty closed kitten eyes and I nuzzled my big fat Momma Cat for warmth.

Oh well. Time to bite bits of kibble in half and spit them on the kitchen floor so he has to sweep them up! I love being me.

Stinkerella Fifi Louise Hogan

The Spirit Is Willing But The Flesh Is WIERD?!

First, let me assure you that I haven't given in to this particular urge BUT today I want a cigarette SO BADLY that I cannot easily explain it. I quit smoking with my second heart attack last May. Okay, I should have quit with the first one but I thought maybe my body was just kidding. This morning, however, my first cup of coffee seemed lonely, like it was asking me where the cigarette was...

Donde esta mi LUNG COOKEE?

Okay, I feel a little better now...

I AM THE BABY-DADDY!

ANNA NICOLE SMITH aka Vickie Lynn HOGAN = ME aka Timothy Ronald HOGAN

I AM the BABY DADDY!

$474 Million Dollar Baby!

Koochie Koochie Koo!

STINKY'S DIARY...what does she write there?

Dear Diary,

Today Fat Daddy and Skinny Daddy put me in my crate and moved me to Fat Daddy's house. I like it there. Fat Daddy is warm and soft to sleep on like a big smelly sofa. I would write more but I'm only awake for four hours every day and I have a lot of things to do in a short period of time.

I think I'll stare in a corner for no reason to make fat Daddy get up and look. I love that one!

Stinkerella Fifi Louise Hogan

"Have I Stayed Too Long At The Fair...?"

"I Wanted The Clown To Be Constantly Clever..."

Why God Hates Florida...maybe

Why is the state of Florida so often the target of destructive winds? We can accept as a "given" that God Hates so called "mobile homes" and "trailers." Who knows why? Mysterious Ways and all... It's empirically obvious because he hurls or at least "allows to be hurled at" mobile homes the strongetst winds in Nature's Deadly Arsenal: Hurricanes and Tornadoes. Regardless of the state in which they are located, trailer parks are frequently smitten or smited, whichever.

I have a theory about this perceived "hatred" God reserves for trailers. Christ told a parable about two houses: one built on sand, the other on bedrock. Two houses. Sand or Bedrock. Not Three Houses. Sand, Bedrock and Chassy. The Lord God doen't have a Trailer park in Heaven. He spoke not of the "double-wide" So I think God's tendency to smite the "Sunshine State" is the prevalence of mobile home communities.

Either that, or there are too many fags.

"UK races to halt killer bird flu" -CNN.com

TICK. I saw the Hour-Hand move. TOCK.

Relapse, Where the Honesty Hits the Dirty Road

Monday Evening in a mood that was equal parts stupidity and boredom I threw myself a Pity Party with an open bar. I drugged, drank and had a fall on my head on a marble floor. For two days Doctor's tried to figure out why I couldn't speak in complete sentences or remember answers to simple questions.Oddly, I knew answers to Hard Questions.

Spinal Tap showed blood, CAT scan and MRI were clear and my language skills returned.

I am a Fool to have thought in my arrogance that I could "handle" things Monday. I can't.

I'm an Addict and I cannot outsmart that central fact in my life.

Shame tastes like blood in your mouth, like biting iron.