It Was Only A Massage and I Didn't Inhale

Please someone give my happy ass a break. The "Washington Madam" who offered only "erotic encounters" but there's nuthin' dirty goin' on. A Bush Admin Official resigns saying he only hired one of her girls out for a "massage."

I hope Mother doesn't read this one, but I have been around a few corners, continents and seen "massage parlors" of the ilk claimed here. I have had fabulous massages by masseurs all over the world. Once in Canada, Barishnikov's ex masseur rubbed me expertly and unfortunately not sexually.

Believe it or not, the only one time that a massage I was recieving from a man that lived down the hall from me went from great deep tissue work to work on a part of my body that wasn't tense when he started. Having never anticipated that situation and having no prepared words to escape I grimmaced silently until it was over. Massage to release, it's called.

So anyone who comes out of the Washington Madam's little black book needs to tell it like it is. Massage only, for the love of Mike.

I Think I've Figured Out This Year's Theme

Last Year's theme was easy, TIMOTHY AND THE HEART ATTACK THAT MADE HIM EVEN MORE CRAZY WITH TWO REHABS, but I didn't know that theme for sure until the bulk of it was over. After my second voluntary detox in August.

This year the theme is locked in early. Not only am I organizing a 25 year Reunion for 1500 people I haven't seen for a quarter century BUT suddenly I've been contacted by six of the people from my Chorus Boy days who I love and have missed.

Of course none of them can see me until I've lost 40 pounds. Still a vain gay chorus girl at heart.

Marketing Has Us All Hooked Through Nose

Ten Years Ago, I was arguing the "downside" of CALLER ID. How could we live without that now? How else would we ignore 50% of our incoming calls.

Then came the car-phone and the "cell-phones" that had a battery pack (worn over the shoulder for weight and a handset the size of a brick.

Ten years pass. I have no landline backup and Mr. Nokia decides o turn "antenna to Heaven." I am unable to start my day because someting I scoffed at a decade ago is mocking me from beyond it's little cardboard grave.

Satan lives in Trends. Quote me.

Gratuitous Portrait

I'm An Uncle Again!

My new niece Katie has the puckered up lips. My 5 year old nephew Donovan has the Moe Howard haircut.

...Likes Quiet Walks On The Beach And Hitchcock Movies

My Sister, Rachel and her husband, Mark enjoying BBQ last June when they were only beginning the adoption process. At This time Katie wasn't even born. She's six months old now and coming "home" to Arlington, Texas on Thursday morning. They recieve some weird descriptions from the Social Worker about their "child to be." Katie was described as: "shy, with a quick temper, liking quiet, and not liking strangers."

She's six months old and her description sounds like a personal ad, "Enjoys fine wines, cooking gourmet meals and arranging flowers..." How can anyone read that much detail into a six-month old babies' behaviour? I say things like that about my cat but I realize that the appraisal of Stinky's behaviour I concoct is my concoction and means nothing to cat behaviour.

Six-month-old children are as foreign to us a pets when it comes to reading moods and complicated emotions. They are more a projection of the love, apprehension, tenseness, relaxation of the caregivers. If you're nervous as you hold her she will process that nervousness and be fussier or mad crying.

Talk to her none-stop or sing when you run out of conversation. Read her the newspaper, anything. In your arms or riding in a back pack, her first lessons in changeing Ethnic Language Groups is feeling sounds vibrate in your chest and hearing the "r" sound and others that are not a part of Korean language sounds, etc... The slow pace of English compared to the speed of Korean. She'll take to you more quickly AND you need to rewire her tiny brain to learn the sounds of AMERICAN SPEECH as opposed to ASIAN SPEECH.

For the first year of a baby's life they grow accustomed to the base sounds of the language they are most exposed to. She needs a crash course in TEXAN (poor girl, LOLA will be a non-stop singing, talking machine...so will I). So talk to her. Her little brain is more "plastic" now that it will ever be again. If you had a fluent Korean speaker, your whole houshold could become bi-lingual.

I will talk to her nonstop and sing 80's Music to her when I arrive May 7-14 so I won't be a "stranger" for long. So exciting!

I'm Such A Space Geek!

Saturn and It's moon. Use the jpl link to the right for more images.

I'm Too Scared To Eat At BURGER KING!

Was the idea to creep me out MORE than RONALD (I'm Luvin' Paedophiles!) MacDonald? Success.

SOL, Our Sun If You're Nasty

I don't know what that meant.

2 Days 'til My New Niece Is Released!

Her name is Katie, but in this 2 month old picture she looks like a little convict with her serial number at her feet. Whatca' in for, little girl? Welcome to Texas!