Friday, April 28, 2006

Jose' Can You See?

Our NATIONAL ANTHEM is recorded in SPANISH and AMERICANS are SHOCKED and HORRIFIED?! Why? Do the words mean less in another language than they do in ENGLSH? Are the people who are shocked the same ones that think GOD speaks KING JAMES ENGLISH?

The STAR SPANGLED BANNER is a poem that tells the story of a battle observed by FRANCIS SCOTT KEY in 1814. The words were written to the tune of a well known, contemporary drinking song. They slowed the tune down to a ballad and it caught on quickly because everyone had swung a sloshing tankard with the old words.

So our Nation's SACRED HYMN owes it's tune to drunken singing. Can we really be so high and mighty about the language it's performed in? There really is no room for XENOPHONIA in a land filled with people who learned to speak ENGLISH when they immigrated to this country. Very few of our ancestors would recognize the language we speak today.

Anytime our SYMBOLS become SACRED in themselves, we run the risk of losing sight of the FREEDOMS they stand for. In any language, our FREEDOMS are worth memorializing.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The CURSE of VERSE (for better...worse)

I. When Michael Brown hung on the cross,
Discredited ex-FEMA boss,
The scapegoat of KATRINA loss
(the Wind did blow, the Waves did toss.)

A Thought occurred, a Notion, Whim
George Dubya Bush appointed him.
To finance War, a Budget trim.
(absorbed in a New Acronym.)

Our Homeland we must now Secure,
From Terrorists and, to be Sure,
Our Patriotic Motives Pure!
(oops! We forgot Mother Nature.)

But as upon the cross he hang,
Why he alone among his gang?
The Buck Stops Here! Our Bad! They sang.
(oh, mea culpa no, Miss Thang!)

So were the words thick-sliced Baloney?
Accept the Blame, Eject one Croney?
Responsibility so Phoney.
(they keep their jobs and spend our money.)

Poor Brownie, still he dangle there,
A Crown of Guilt pressed in his hair.
Bipartisan Comittee Chair -
(they speared his side, their Scorn layed bare.)

What can we learn from Brother Brown?
Big Dogs don't get run out of town?
The Hill of Crap runs only Down?
(a nod, a wink, a smile, a frown.)

The Moral? Morals don't apply
While sacrificing just one guy.
Prepare your Story, Alibi.
(prevaricate, tell fibs - just Lie.)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I keep forgetting to be adequately PARANOID when I'm typing my Blog postings. After all, I now know for sure that my Government is eavesdropping on communications initiated by its CITIZENS, i.e ME. So I'm sure they're Data-mining the Internet to root out out of the contrarian opinions about the state of affairs in our Nation's Capital.

My GOOGLE search for "bushmen" led me to the pictures I posted todayand probably earned me a spot on "THE NSA'S 280 MILLION MOST SUSPICIOUS ABOUT" list.

I'm sure its not as simple to end up as a regular stop on the NSA favorites list as typing the word "bush." You probably have to use the word "incompetent" or "illegal"or "strategery" to have a SECRET DIGITAL FILE created by the MASTER RIGHT-WING COMPUTER DATA-BASE. But if that's the case, the Department of Justice (less spandex than the Justice League, for those of you who get them confused) is probably trying to resurrect J. EDGAR (does this nightie make me look fat?) HOOVER to harrass me personally.

But just to make sure:
Dick Cheney's Lesbian Daughter

There! Now I know they're reading!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

"...ask Alice, when she's just small."

The Catholic Church, in its wisdom, has ordered a Study of CONDOM USE in preventing the Transmission of the HIV virus. It may, depending on the Study's findings, relax its ZERO TOLERANCE policy as it relates to CONDOM USE for Catholic Married Couples. Unmarried Couples, with or without a hat, are still committing the SIN of PREMARITAL SEX. Same Sex Couples...well technically you're still ABOMINATIONS, but we LOVE you. We just HATE the NASTY ACTS you perform.

So, a Study of the effectiveness of CONDOM USE in preventing the transmission of the HIV virus. And then, they'll debate and decide how to proceed. Now as far as I know, the Catholic moritorium on CONTRACEPTION has its basis in the belief that GOD was offended when ONAN "spilled his semen on the ground" because his Father, JUDAH, commanded him to impregnate his dead Brother's WIFE. It didn't turn out that well for ONAN:

"What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also."

Yeeouch! Now at this time in the Old Testament, GOD spent most of HIS days smiting people and striking them dead for SINS that had't even been clearly spelled out. Aside from GOD'S unusually short fuse, it seems distinctly un-GOD-like punish someone for a SIN they didn't know was a SIN until after they'd committed it and were summarilly killed and stuff. Hmmm...

But from this passage, the Early Church adopted the "PROCREATION NOT RECREATION" Policy about SEX. If it doesn't make a BABY it's a SIN. Apparently GOD got tired of SMITING us one at a time as we SINNED and instead told the CHURCH to make us feel GUILTY and fear ETERNAL DAMNATION when we misuse our SEED or interrupt its trip to becoming half a Baby.

In AFRICA, there are BISHOPS, shepherds really, whose FLOCKS are more than 50% infected with the HIV virus. ABSTINENCE enables the DEATHS of THOUSANDS PER DAY mostly because IT DOESN"T WORK! The best the CHURCH can offer after more than TWO DECADES of Plague is a CONDOM USE Study? Ignoring the empirical data available that demonstrates the transmission of the virus is far less likely in countries that have no moral compunction to avoid CONDOM USE.

And, hello...EARTH TO POPE: Catholics worldwide are using contraception anyway! Its why you depend so heavily on MISSIONARY work in the THIRD WORLD to continue the spread of THE CHURCH (universal and triumphant.) The WESTERN WORLD, FIRST WORLDERS all are spilling, catching & killing their SEEDS in any variety of ways. That is why those societies' populations are in decline. Luckilly for the CHURCH, its THIRD WORLD flock lacks CONTRACEPTION and GOES FORTH AND MULTIPLIES at such an alarming rate that many of its CHILDREN avoid HIV infection by STARVING TO DEATH first.

So study the issue, debate and decide. Thousands are dying every day to know the answer.

Monday, April 24, 2006

"I Am Here (see DIAGRAM) Or Am I...?"


The three major categories of substances that act as neurotransmitters are (1) amino acids (primarily glutamic acid, GABA, aspartic acid & glycine), (2) peptides (vasopressin, somatostatin, neurotensin, etc.) and (3) monoamines (norepinephrine, dopamine & serotonin) plus acetylcholine. The major "workhorse" neurotransmitters of the brain are glutamic acid (=glutamate) and GABA. The monoamines & acetylcholine perform specialized modulating functions, often confined to specific structures. The peptides perform specialized functions in the hypothalamus or act as co-factors elsewhere in the brain. [For a well-organized categorization of neurotransmitters, see Neurotransmitter (Wikipedia).]

Too late for the "AHA!" of an epiphany but just in time for the "DUH? I shoulda known that..." of slow realization, it dawned on me that the recent paucity (dearth, lack of, absence) of words in my Blog might have CHEMISTRY at its core! After all, we are ELECTROCHEMICAL beasties at heart. On Doctor's orders, I am currently tweaking, stroking and even agonising six or seven of the dozen recognized NEUROTRANSMITTERS. I noticed all of the behavioral changes (isolation, agitation, agravation, indignation) and thought sure that THIS TIME, it MUST be a lack of WILL POWER and indicative of WEAKMINDEDNESS! Now just because that disagrees with EVERYTHING I've learned about the BIOLOGY of DEPRESSION and ANXIETY, it didn't slow me down a bit as I hurtled toward my emotional ASSUMPTION about my NEW MOODS.

Even my Roommate had a go at diagnosing me. He was more worried that my absence from my Blog would upset those who had begun to read it. He figured that people would just assume that I was a "CREEPY computer GEEK with PSYCHOTIC TENDENCIES and an INABILITY to CONTROL my INTIMATE PERSONAL DISCLOSURES..." Just without the technical experrtise to be a true GEEK so the sum total is CREEPY with a side of TOO MUCH INFORMATION. (TIM = TMI, coincedence? I think not!)

But as it turns out, the whole strange, itchy, scratchy period I've enjoyed since the Ides of April may just be SIDE EFFECTS of some rather dramatic MED CHANGES and not EVIDENCE of deeper MADNESS or PURE EVIL (darn it, it's never PURE EVIL.) My time on the MOOD SWING (Do You Wanna Go Faster?) has a causal relationship to the BRAIN SOUP sloshing around in my SKULL (see DIAGRAM.)

What a Relief!

Yesterday's Music (actually Friday the 14th's): WE'RE HAVIN' A HEATWAVE heaved breathlessly by the Only Sex Godess That Really Matters - MARILYN MONROE.

Bless Me, I'm back online...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Word Flu

Please update your schedules. Due to a slight bout this past weeeked, I have fallen behind in my intended postings! Horror, dread, despair, humiliating defeat and Yikes! y'all. As a result, I will reschedule my "Cliche Essay" (and work on the title) for this coming weekend. So far there is no concensus among those of you who've voted, so I'll just eenie-meanie it. I plan to post again tomorrow. Blame the Flying Monkeys.

Friday, April 14, 2006

"...the Temperature's Rising, it isn't Surprising. The Girl She Really can Can-Can!"

From the Land of Sky-Blue Water,,,It's Hot! April in Minnesota is usually a pleasant affair. The Sun has returned after six months of darkness, snow has melted and everyone dumps the boyfriend or girlfriend they had paired with to stay warm in the hopes of Trading-Up. Not this year, children! Temperatures that usually average in the upper 50s have topped 80 for three days!

GLOBAL WARMING?! But the Bush Administration says it's not real? I'm confused - could our Nation's elected leaders be WRONG?! After all, they've hired the best Scientists that Big Oil Money can buy? This just rocks my world, I mean "W" promised to bring a new sense of Honesty and Integrity to Government, surely he wouldn't be promoting the few Scientists that still have their heads in the rapidly expanding desert sands and quashing those that dare to agree with the Worldwide scientific consensus...would he? Just to keep the U.S. from commiting to any reduction of Greenhouse gasses that would require our Fat-Cat oil companies to apply some of their record corporate profits to cleaner technologies? He wouldn't leave the resolution of our part of this acknowledged crisis to a future Administration like he has the War in Iraq? Would he?

Bet your ass.

Yesterday's Music: ALL OF MY HEART by 80's band ABC.

This Weekend: I Dive into the Deep End of the Wisdom Pool, Pull out the Cliche You've Chosen and Revive It with the Lip-Lock of Life!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Take a Moment to Save a Life

Even my silliness must sometimes be humbled by the sober reality of the world in which we enjoy enormous freedoms. Not all of the world's residents are as lucky as I am. As we are.

Nazanin is an 18 year old Iranian woman, sentenced to die for stabbing to death one of the three men who tried to rape her. Had she allowed the rape, she would have risked death by stoning for being an adulteress.

I've posted the link to the Petition site to save Nazanin's life below. Over 12,000 people have signed already. The Petiton attempts to add International pressure to the Iranian government to commute her Death Sentence. Such pressure has succeeded in the past. You may sign and remain anonymous. This campaign was launched by a former Miss Canada, also from Iran, who shares Nazanin's name. Her site is posted as well.

The God of Abraham that we share values all Life, regardless of Gender.


  • "...Once Upon a Time When We Were Friends, I Gave You My Heart the Story Ends..."


    Okay, I'm tired already. Since I am convinced that I could not possibly fill an entry with my own peculiar Wisdom, I think I'll rip off Wise Cliches. Now don't finish rolling your eyes. Cliches are cliche (hackneyed, trite, overused) BECAUSE most of them do offer some Wisdom. I dream that someday something I've said will become cliche. That way I'll know I have arrived.

    Just to make this interesting, and reassure me that somebody is reading (see yesterday - co-dependent) I'll throw a few cliches out there in cyberspace and you can vote for the one that you would like me to expand upon this weekend. Just select the COMMENT option just below this entry and include the number of the cliche you'd like me to lampoon, er uh, spoof, no I mean parody, satire, send up, goof on, crack wise about...I'll figure it out by Sunday. Or you can email your selection to: Oh what FUN! Some of these will be familiar, others...not so much. I may even sneak in a couple of my own in the hopes of kick-starting them on the road to cliche eternity...oooh, I am so devious and self-serving! Here goes:

    1. Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional.
    2. I'd rather light a Candle than curse the Darkness.
    3. There is a God and I'm not it.
    4. The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.
    5. The only Important Decision is the Next One.
    6. Say Nothing and be Presumed a Fool. Speak (or Blog) and Remove All Doubt.

    That'll do. My head was expanding so fast with all of the above Wisdom, I was risking an aneurism (or actually learning something.) Don't forget to Vote for Your Favorite Cliche!

    Yesterday's Music: SOMETHING'S GOTTEN HOLD OF MY HEART by the late, great GENE PITNEY. Revisited in a duet with MARC ALMOND in the 1990's. Worth a listen.

    Tomorrow: I fearfully open my blog in the hopes that someone reads it and votes and potentially spend my day crying at the pathetic emptiness of my existence. I need a hug...

    Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    "...and a Feeling Unknown shook My Heart, made me want You to Stay..."

    After a fifteen year relationship with a soulless automaton who bled me for every extra penney I ever earned, it finally dawned on me! I need to find a way to earn more money.

    What, me? Co-dependent? Surely not. I've been single for ten years, haven't even dated in this can I be co-dependent? Which brings us to the awful truth - I've been unattached for this entire century...a MILLENIUM ALONE.

    So my Therapist and I are working on my lack of an intimate romantic relationship. Apparently it amazes people that I've stayed single this long. That's the burden of being pretty AND smart, people think romance should come easily for me...if they only knew - IT ISN"T EASY BEING PRETTY.

    Besides, my relationship track-record isn't reassuring. I seem to have a three year time limit. My partner becomes tedious and I start repeating myself and since we're co-dependent, it takes six months to split up because neither one of us wants to be the villain and we're competing to be the victim/martyr. "Get Off the Cross, Who Gets the Sofa?"

    But enough about me...what do YOU think of me?

    Yesterday's Music: PINK FLOYD was right...all in all we're just another BRICK IN THE WALL.

    Tomorrow: Will Timothy stop whining about his love(less)-life? What do boy-toys become when they grow up?

    Tuesday, April 11, 2006

    "...we don't need no Education. We don't need no Thought Control..."

    Last I looked, it was the 21st Century, right? Why is it then that Humanity seems to have devolved when it comes to solving current problems? Take the mideast, Israel and Palestine in particular...don't like your neighbors? Build a WALL! It hasn't ever worked in the whole of human history but WHO KNOWS? Maybe this time it will. Jericho, China, Berlin...why focus on Man's repeated failures with WALL TECHNOLOGY. Hey America! Tired of Undocumented Illegal Immigration? BUILD A WALL! Surely we can make it work. We can preserve FREEDOM by keeping people out of it unless they say "Mother, may I?"

    Berlin Wall = BAD
    America Wall = GOOD (right?!)

    Aren't we supposed to be solving Modern Problems with Cutting-Edge Solutions? Gene Therapy, Nanotechnology, String Theory and Artificial Intelligence and the best we can come up with is BUILD A WALL? Resurrect Fred Flinstone, it's Stone Age Technology to the Rescue!

    Would the Grass actually be Greener on the Other Side if there wasn't a boundary indicating where our side ends? Can Freedom really be limited by concrete and steel at its edges? Do we really want it to be?

    Yesterday's Music: BEAUTIFUL WORLD by DEVO (a Sweet Romantic place...)

    Tomorrow! We solve our Petroleum Addiction by returning to hand carts and horse-drawn carriages! Whew! This Wall thing is out of control!

    Sunday, April 09, 2006

    "...around the World, the trip began with a Kiss..."

    This Just In...Today the WHO and CDC (you remember them, they were killing us all with SARS three years ago) announced that an unimagined, unanticipated and unholy union of two potentialy deadly viruses had been detected worldwide! H5N1 and Monkey pox have married and mutated into...FLYING MONKEY POX! Twice as deadly and peculiarly attracted to gay men over 40 and anyone who recorded SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW afer Judy Garland. FLYING MONKEY POX...coming soon to a CNN PRESENTS with DR SANJAY GUPTA near you...

    I find it much more pleasant to FEAR! the unknown and unlikely than I do the Reality that surrounds us. After all, hypothetical FEAR! can be way over the top, the less likely the FEAR!ful occurence the better. Cathartic, cleansing and easy to share with others. Though we are more likely killed in an auto accident, if CNN harped on our odds of dying in a car in hour-long specials and everytime they updated the news of the day, we might actually be troubled by the odds.

    So we worry about the unknown killer plague the same way we fantasize about the $360 million POWERBALL - odds so great against it happening to us it's a safe place to dwell. Are worry and fantasy all that different in the end? Obsessive thinking about perceived negative or positive hypothetical events. Two sides of the same coin and neither one does anything to move toward the outcomes. Just thoughts spinning in place.

    Yesterday's Music: GARY NUMAN with his one-hit-wonder CARS..."It's the only way to Live in Cars..."

    This Week: Will Timothy be tapped to replace MEREDITH VIERA on THE VIEW? Do Lawmakers need a two-week Easter Egg Hunt? Just how many people are there in CANADA, really?

    Thursday, April 06, 2006

    "many Good Days go by (water flowing underground) Once In A Lifeime!"

    04/06/06 (Two Months 'til Mark Of The Beast Day...what'll I wear...?")

    But First...

    A Moment of Silence for ex-Speaker of the House, soon to be ex-Representative from Sugarland, Tx., Tom Delay...Yes A Moment of Silence and perhaps a Tear..Oops! Sorry, I Farted..well, I guess that'll do...

    I'd love to believe in COMMUPPENCE, THEY'RE getting THEIRS!, Cosmic Justice...but the arithmetic of KARMA rarely resolves in ONE LIFETIME.

    But I know if They Get Theirs! I must prepare to Get Mine! So things Just Happen to People regardless of whether I think they're Good or Bad.

    Yesterday's Music, Tony and Maria in WEST SIDE STORY. Tune in Tomorrow for today's Old School Artist!

    Wednesday, April 05, 2006

    "now we begin, now we start..."

    04/05/06 (what an eerie alignment of ascending sequential numbers...what may it portend?)


    As a child, I wanted a DEATH-RAY that shot out of my eyes. Instead, I got a BORE-YOU-TO DEATH-RAY that shoots out of my mouth. Be careful what I wish for...

    My Inner Monologue has always leaked out of the cracks in my poorly meshed skull. Now it spills like lava from Mauna Loa into the blogospere...hardening as it hits the cold of cyberspace...creating an Island of fits, folly, fantasy and fun.

    EpistleofTimothy - located just west of Wit's End - population 1 so far, with room to expand our minds. I hope to develop this site with silliness, sarcasm, shocks and serenity. I pray that Godallahbuddhajehovahshivauniverse will bless this gathering round the Sacred Oaktreealtarmeccamotherearth with all of the LOVE S/He possesses. I'll be RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES & LOOSELY BASED ON ACTUAL PEOPLE AND EVENTS. The NAMES will not be changed because I've never met an INNOCENT.

    I will practice Tolerance (unless I feel Intolerant about something) although it is not in my nature to suffer fools because FOOL is MY gig in this life. I will caper and frollic with arms akimbo. If my Curiousity makes you Question my Work here is done. If my Words make you Think, it's unintentional and I hope it doesn't hurt too much.

    Welcome! Willkomen! Bienvenue! Come On In!