Monday, December 24, 2007

Boom Shaka Fa La La La La La La!

Deck the halls with boughs of LEAD!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

If you EATS IT, you'll be DEAD!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Don we now our GAY APPAREL.

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la


Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

See the blazing YUL before us.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Cut the tree down, KILL A FOREST!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Visit SANTA, make your WISHES!

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

HOFFA sleeping with the FISHES!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la


Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Lost the PUCKERS from their ASSES!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

SANTA, JESUS, you're not PC.

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la


(BIG FINISH!) Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Sunday, December 23, 2007

More Geeking On Saturn From The JPL Website

The link to JPL is in the right margin. It's just too freaking cool. This isn't an "artist's conception" it's a place that a spacecraft took a picture of. Millions and millions of miles away and we are looking at a picture of it. When I die, I hope my "heaven" allows me to roam the Universe looking at stuff. I want to be James Tiberius Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise - a new adventure every week.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

And So...

... I'm Offering This Simple Phrase For Kids From One To Ninety-Two. Although It's Been Said Many Times, Many Ways -

Merry Christmas To You.


In the eleven years I've lived in this apartment I've never had any Christmas tree aside from the small ceramic tree lit from inside that I bought at a thrift store.

This year my roommate, who rarely if ever shows any sentimentality, surprised me with a white, plastic, Dollar Store tree pre-lit with colored twinkle lights that we decorated with some ornaments that have sat in a box since I bought them on clearance at Tuesday Morning.

My recent brush with mortality (I missed the week I was in critical condition because gladly I was sedated) has changed a lot of things in my life: I tire easily, can't walk far, see a doctor every three days, give myself shots in the belly twice a day and get stuck with a needle every time I sit down. It has also, apparently, changed my vision - I've never seen a prettier tree.

May you and yours have the merriest of Christmases ever,


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Kate Bush Thursday Evening

A few months ago I posted KATE BUSH SUNDAY MORNING . A simple piece - three songs and three pictures of la Bush. Since then it has averaged twenty or so hits per week from all over the world. Seriously - five continents worth of all over the world. So here are three additional Kate Bush cuts. Sheesh! I'm like Jerry Lewis in France (shudder).

Just a note to you International Bush Lovers, the rest of the epistleoftimothy postings are pretty good too - if I do say so myself and of course my friends and regular readers know that I will...say so myself.




Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Retrograde amnesia

Retrograde amnesia is a form of amnesia where someone will be unable to recall events that occurred before the trauma that causes the onset of amnesia.

I "lost" five days after my surgery while I was on a respirator. No complaints, I wouldn't want to be alert and entubated simultaneously. What I've come to realize as I recover is that I've also "lost" the events of the week preceding the initial heart attack and trip to the ER. This past weekend, I told my roommate that he'd done a great job on the Christmas decorations. He looked at me deadpan and informed me that I had put up the lights on Wednesday, November 28. The heart attack was Saturday, December 1. My last recollection that I can clearly date is my blog posting from Sunday, November 25. I've gone so far as to delete the three blog entries that followed because I felt like someone else posted them. They weren't terribly funny anyway.

This is my first personal encounter with Amnesia. It has always been a convenient plot device - as common as an "evil twin" on Soap Operas - never something happening in my head. And believe me, I know that losing what was probably an average week in late November will never compare to the trauma of someone losing their identity or memories of their lives and loved ones.

BUT - we knew there was a big but coming - it's kinda cool. It's like entering a room that someone has described as having a window and only seeing four blank walls. Even after they assure you that the window is there and that you installed it you can't see it to save your life. You just have to take their word for it and hope that no one is cruel enough to take advantage of your mind's downtime and lie to you about something you've said or done.

I'll probably come back to this topic, maybe a sonnet or limerick...?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

"SERIOUS" As A "_____ ______"

Fill in the blanks and yeah, no shit.

On Saturday Dec. 1 I was experiencing chest pain so I went to the ER thinking I might need additional angioplasty. I woke up five days later on a respirator having had a quadruple heart bypass and a valve replacement. I spent a total of two weeks in the hospital and the maintenance of my life has changed forever.

I feel so much better than when I was being helped to breathe, it's tempting to say that I feel fine now but that would be an overstatement. I've been sent home with the twice daily task of giving myself injections in the stomach of an anti-clotting drug until it's oral equivalent reaches a clinical level. Luckily, I have plenty of stomach so I won't have to reuse an area for an injection until 2010.

If what I had experienced in May 2006 was a "minor" heart attack, the event two weeks ago could be called "massive." But I continue on.

It's nice to be home.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Hail To The Chief!


Well, our tiny little survey turned outsome "underground Libertarians." Ron Paul even showed up on my likely candidates list.

However, my Number 1s were a tie. Hillary or John Edwards, with a distant Obama. I'm not sure I can vote for anyone that would show such awkward use of "thumb." Is he hitching a ride to the White House or sparing the life of a Gladiator?

Two Families, Twenty years in the White House...and counting. I'm just not sure.

Don't forget the YouTube video where he stares silently at the camera for way too long. A President that doesn't "blink" could get us in trouble.

UFO sightings and he's married to a Glamazon. He must have a really big uh...heart. Or she was frightened by MAD MAGAZINE a a little girl.

I think I'll just write my own name in again.

Friday, November 16, 2007

More Gary Numan


We're in the building where they make us grow
And I'm frightened by the liquid engineers
Like you

My Mallory heart is sure to fail
I could crawl around the floor just like I'm real
Like you

The sound of metal I want to be you
I could learn to be a man
Like you

Plug me in and turn me on
Oh everything is moving

I need my treatment it's tomorrow they send me
Singing "I am an American"
Do you?

Picture this if they could make the change
I'd love to pull the wires from the wall
Did you?

And who are you and how can I try?
Here inside I like metal
On you

All I know is no one dies
I'm still confusing love with need

Thursday, November 15, 2007


I'm not sure when or from whom I learned it, but I have long believed that there are three things one does not discuss in polite company: Religion, Politics and Other Peoples' Children.

Obviously, I've never considered the epistle "polite company."

Below, I've included a link to a "Candidate Calculator" from the VA Joe website. I didnt create it, but it seems to be a balanced, grossly generalized, gimicky snapshot of how the Presidential candidates (all 74 of them) stack up to our "hot button" issues.

Follow the Link and then COMMENT with your results by clicking on the word "COMMENTS" below the post. Let us know which politician is your "Mystery Date." Monday, I'll post my results.

You first. Yes, it's "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Some things never change.


  • Tomorrow - I talk about your children.

    Monday, November 12, 2007


    In the last 43 years I have spent an inordinate amount of time musing, pondering, hypothesizing, ruminating, intuiting, speculating and wondering about many things.

    I thought I'd share a few:

    1. At the Center of CYBERSPACE lies a SUPERMASSIVE BLOGHOLE. Large enough to swallow EVERYTHING published on the WWW... so far.

    2. CHINA is made of BITE-SIZED pieces of LEAD.

    3. If I fly out of MSP often enough, I'll have sex with a MEMBER OF CONGRESS.

    4. GOD has been LYING to PAT ROBERTSON for years.

    How Many Million Homeless Veterans?

    There are an estimated 25 Million Veterans of all wars alive in the U.S. As many as HALF of them may be homeless.

    1 out of every 4 homeless identify themselves as Veterans.

    Nearly half of all active Military families live below the Poverty level and recieve Welfare assistance.

    World War 2 Veterans are dying at the rate of 1000 per day.

    THIS WEEK - The epistle presents a Theory of the Supermassive Bloghole at the Center of Cyberspace.

    Friday, November 09, 2007

    Crazy DJ Blog #125 - R.E.M.



    Receiving department, 3 a.m.
    Staff cuts have socked up the overage
    Directives are posted.
    No callbacks, complaints.
    Everywhere is calm.

    Hong Kong is present
    Taipei awakes
    All talk of circadian rhythm

    I see today with a newsprint fray
    My night is colored headache grey

    The bull and the bear are marking their territories
    They're leading the blind with their international glories

    I'm the screen, the blinding light
    I'm the screen, I work at night.

    I see today with a newsprint fray
    My night is colored headache grey
    Don't wake me with so much.

    I cried the other night
    I can't even say why
    Fluorescent flat caffeine lights
    Its furious balancing

    I'm the screen, the blinding light
    I'm the screen, I work at night

    I see today with a newsprint fray
    My night is colored headache grey
    Don't wake me with so much.
    The ocean machine is set to nine
    I'll squeeze into heaven and valentine
    My bed is pulling me,
    Daysleeper. Daysleeper.
    Daysleeper. Daysleeper. Daysleeper.



    It's cold outside
    And the paint's peeling off of my walls
    There's a man outside
    In a long coat, grey hat, smoking a cigarette

    Now the light fades out
    And I wonder what I'm doing in a room like this
    There's a knock on the door
    And just for a second I thought I remembered you

    So now I'm alone
    Now I can think for myself
    About little deals and S.U.s
    And things that I just don't understand
    A white lie that night
    Or a sly touch at times
    I don't think it mean anything to you

    So I open the door
    It's the friend that I'd left in the hallway
    'Please sit down'
    A candlelit shadow on a wall near the bed

    You know I hate to ask
    But are 'friends' electric?
    Only mine's broke down
    And now I've no-one to love

    So I found out your reasons
    For the phone calls and smiles
    And it hurts and I'm lonely
    And I should never have tried
    And I missed you tonight
    So it's time to leave
    You see it meant everything to me

    Wednesday, November 07, 2007

    Dear Anonymous,


    In answer to your questions on my blog:

    1. My surgery went well. My toes are healing and you can barely make out where the webbing was attached. Dr. Pena is nice. I didn't know anything was wrong with his eye, I thought he was winking at me.

    2. No, in order to work with the rhythm in the song DEAD by THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS the word "either" can't be sung in the last line of the song.

    3. There's nothing in my pocket, I am just glad to see you.

    P.S. I love Anonymous Comments. Anonymous questions are okay, just hard to answer personally. It may be the Anonymity.

    Sunday, November 04, 2007

    It's Me I'm Scaring


    I scare myself just thinking about you

    I scare myself when I'm without you

    I scare myself the moment that you're gone

    I scare myself when I let my thoughts run

    and when they're running
    I keep thinking of you

    and when they're running
    what can I do?

    I scare myself, and I don't mean lightly

    I scare myself, it can get frightening

    I scare myself, to think what I could do

    I scare myself -- it's some kind of voodoo...

    and with that voodoo
    I keep thinking of you

    and with that voodoo
    what can I do?

    but it's so so very different when we're together
    and I'm so so much calmer; I feel better

    'cause the stars already crossed our paths forever
    and the sooner that you realise it the better

    and then I'll be with you and I won't scare myself

    and I'll know what to do and I won't scare myself

    and my thoughts will run and I won't scare myself

    and I'll think of you and I won't scare myself

    It's me I'm scaring

    It's me I'm scaring

    It's me I'm scaring

    It's me I'm scaring