Tuesday, April 25, 2006

"...ask Alice, when she's just small."

The Catholic Church, in its wisdom, has ordered a Study of CONDOM USE in preventing the Transmission of the HIV virus. It may, depending on the Study's findings, relax its ZERO TOLERANCE policy as it relates to CONDOM USE for Catholic Married Couples. Unmarried Couples, with or without a hat, are still committing the SIN of PREMARITAL SEX. Same Sex Couples...well technically you're still ABOMINATIONS, but we LOVE you. We just HATE the NASTY ACTS you perform.

So, a Study of the effectiveness of CONDOM USE in preventing the transmission of the HIV virus. And then, they'll debate and decide how to proceed. Now as far as I know, the Catholic moritorium on CONTRACEPTION has its basis in the belief that GOD was offended when ONAN "spilled his semen on the ground" because his Father, JUDAH, commanded him to impregnate his dead Brother's WIFE. It didn't turn out that well for ONAN:

"What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also."

Yeeouch! Now at this time in the Old Testament, GOD spent most of HIS days smiting people and striking them dead for SINS that had't even been clearly spelled out. Aside from GOD'S unusually short fuse, it seems distinctly un-GOD-like punish someone for a SIN they didn't know was a SIN until after they'd committed it and were summarilly killed and stuff. Hmmm...

But from this passage, the Early Church adopted the "PROCREATION NOT RECREATION" Policy about SEX. If it doesn't make a BABY it's a SIN. Apparently GOD got tired of SMITING us one at a time as we SINNED and instead told the CHURCH to make us feel GUILTY and fear ETERNAL DAMNATION when we misuse our SEED or interrupt its trip to becoming half a Baby.

In AFRICA, there are BISHOPS, shepherds really, whose FLOCKS are more than 50% infected with the HIV virus. ABSTINENCE enables the DEATHS of THOUSANDS PER DAY mostly because IT DOESN"T WORK! The best the CHURCH can offer after more than TWO DECADES of Plague is a CONDOM USE Study? Ignoring the empirical data available that demonstrates the transmission of the virus is far less likely in countries that have no moral compunction to avoid CONDOM USE.

And, hello...EARTH TO POPE: Catholics worldwide are using contraception anyway! Its why you depend so heavily on MISSIONARY work in the THIRD WORLD to continue the spread of THE CHURCH (universal and triumphant.) The WESTERN WORLD, FIRST WORLDERS all are spilling, catching & killing their SEEDS in any variety of ways. That is why those societies' populations are in decline. Luckilly for the CHURCH, its THIRD WORLD flock lacks CONTRACEPTION and GOES FORTH AND MULTIPLIES at such an alarming rate that many of its CHILDREN avoid HIV infection by STARVING TO DEATH first.

So study the issue, debate and decide. Thousands are dying every day to know the answer.

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