May All Your Balls Drop At Midnight...

...and may 2007 bring you peace.

GERALD R FORD 1913 - 2006

Although the presidential events of Gerald Ford's long public life occurred when I was ten years old, he was a key element in the formation of the politics that I carry to this day. He is the second president I remember, Nixon being first, and although I was very young the signs that I would mature into a political junky were evident in the 70s.

Undeniably, I was a precocious and pretentious child. At the tender age of ten I was outraged when President Ford, thirty-one days into the Oval Office, unconditionally pardoned Richard Milhouse "I am not a crook" Nixon. I did not know and don't remember being taught that Richard Nixon's acceptance of a Presidential Pardon was an implicit admission and acceptance of GUILT of the wrong doing of which he was alleged to have been a part. It makes sense now that I know that there was not a Presidential Declaration of Innocence given Pres. Nixon but a plea bargain , if you will, guilt without the trial that would have undoubtably torn the country's fragile morale to shreds.

Equally precocious was my apreciation of his decision to grant clemency to the "draft dodgers" of the war in Vietnam. Selective Service was eight years away for me, but the fear of conscription had me pre-planning my life in Canada already.

I credit President Gerald R Ford for preventing me from becoming 100% cynical about our government at a time when Watergate, Nixon and Vietnam had combined to make that my lot. At 94% cynicism I gladly offer honorable elected officials my heart felt 6% of trust while I will always offer my country and its defenders 100% of my Patriotism.

Thank you, Mr. President.

If Wishes Was Fishes We'd Die From The Stink

Another year winds towards its end and once again talkshow host Montel Williams favorite Wednesday afternoon Psychic, famed Sylvia Browne, has trotted out her predictions for 2007. I remember Sylvia from a 1972 episode of THAT'S INCREDIBLE (Kathy Lee Crosby, Fran Tarkenton...I am SO old) when she outed a ghost that haunted a TOYS 'R US.

I was reared ("reared" is for animals, "raised" is for corn or soy beans) brought up, if you will, to expect the miraculous. From Church to comic books, miracles and super-powers filled my childhood. As a result I have spent 42 years pining, yearning, wishing (and hoping, and praying) for the mystical supernatural inexplicable to occur or be illustrated in my lifetime. Of course by definition mystical supernatural inexplicable events once proven would lose their mystical supernatural inexplicable designation. But UFOs, cryptozoology, ESP, ghosts, astral travel...I have been SO ready for a little magic in my life.

Then. The "psychics" or "ghost whisperers" hit popular television and I, always seeking that special gift in humanity, watched with great interest. Afterall, if any one of us can see the unseen then perhaps we all can. Unfortunately I watched too closely, learned the routines and realized that the one truth that survived is "everything old is new again."

Following the American Civil War, our New Birth of Freedom was accompanied by a New Birth of Spiritualism. There were so many who had died remote from their loved ones rational 19th Century citizens sought out spiritualists to gain closure. In fact, throughout history times of uncertainty have been fat times for "seers" of all shapes and sizes. Some famous Americans, desperate for contact from their loved ones who had passed, sought the assistance of mediums. Abraham Lincoln and his wife Mary Todd Lincoln after the untimely death of sons, Houdini following the death of his beloved mother - opened their wallets and hired the best spiritualist/medium/psychics of the time. Both President Lincoln and the 20th Century's greatest Magician came to the same conclusion - bunk.

Psychic readings as performed by the vast majority of "real" psychics follow simple scripts with or without props (Crystal balls, Tarot, dousing rods, the human hand, lumps on the head, tea leaves, the moon and stars, chicken innards even bowel movements.) But the goal is simple - wish fullfilment of the person paying for the service.

"Did Uncle Sid die in AGONY?"
"No he passed peacefully in the night."

"Do you see Romance in my future?"
"Yes, not this year but next. A tall man with dark hair."

"Will the next year bring peace to the Middle East?"
"No, duh."

Even simpler is the "audience reading." Asking 100 people if anyone's lost a relative with an "S" in their first or last name is a great job if you can get it.

I wish they were special but most are just clever.

When I was Seven Years Old...True Story from Christmas 1971

Twas the night before Christmas,
and Timothy thought,
"I'll stay up and spy Santa
without being caught!
If he uses the chimney for delivering his wares
I can see him quite clearly from the top of the stairs!"
The hours crept by and our Timothy dozed
Until something unusual tickled his nose.
His eyes slowly slitted and opened up slow
And he saw a man's outline in the fireplace glow.
It was smoke from a pipe that had wakened our Tim
But he knew at a glance who was right before him!
It was Santa, yes, Santa bending down by the tree.
Leaving toys and full stockings for the Hogan children three.
Our young Timothy freaked!!
And he ran to his bed.
He pulled all of the covers up over his head.
Fast asleep in case Santa had spied him as well.
It was smoke from his pipe, I remember the smell.
For I was the boy who had stayed up to see
And I'll never forget who appeared before me.
For I heard him exclaim as I dove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!"

I Never Know What To Make Of These?

You may notice that my BLOG contains advertisments. They are provided by Google and apparently are based on the text that I provide on my BLOG. I sometimes flinch when I read them. This one is no exception:

HIV cure
Take part in trials of new therapy which has cured two girls of HIV
www.qeptrials.com

"Cured" two girls of HIV? Wow. I guess I needn't feel like I need to publish things I can substantiate. Just because something is in print, even on the WWW, it ain'tnecessarily so.

An Uncle Again!

Great News! My little Sister, RACHEL, her Husband, MARK and my Nephew, DONOVAN are adding to their family. We are adopting a little girl. As the OFFICIAL UNCLE I am un-officially part of the WE who are adopting.

We love all our stinky little boys (LARS, ERIK, DONOVAN) but now we get a little girl to spoil.

I personally promise that she will be thoroughly spoiled.

Oh Crap...Winter!

This is Winter out of my east windows. So beautiful to look at...so nasty to slog through.

He Sees You When You're Sleeping...

He knows when you're awake!
He knows if you've been bad or good!
So be good for goodness sake!

Santa scares me.

I Am Many More Things Than Gay But The Plague Outted Me

I got a DUI in Houston in the 1980s and was ordered to do 50 hours of community service. I was sexually active, very active. HIV had been named for about four years, it had killed gay men for about eight. When you got it, you started wasting away, maybe you got dementia - two years and you were another Memorial Service program.

The infected babies of those years lived a year at most. At the time, nothing prevented the HIV from traveling from the Mother to the infant during passage through the birth canal. Those babies lived eight or nine healthy months inside their prostitute or IV drug using mothers and were infected with HIV as they passed through the blood of their own births. Almost no time and they were orphans.

I used my DUI Community Service time for a charity that existed at that time. People went to Hospital Maternity Wards to hold "AIDS babies" give them bottles, feed or change them, sing to them, walk them outside the hospital ANYTHING normal. Even Nurses in the Hospital System were scared to hold them. Everyone was really that scared. But they were little shriveled purpley newborns with a disease thay did not deserve and they smiled and recognized the kind faces that came to there nursery. And I held them and prayed for them and kissed there little noses as I sang to them. They smiled back, held my finger, learned my face. And they died a lot..

At this time in adult AIDS therapy, grown men wore antibiotic pumps on their arms or chests all day, diapers for emergencies. It was all anyone knew to do and it did nothing. In the ACTOR'S EQUITY newsletter some months 30+
young men under thirty died. I am one of the few survivors of the PLAGUE SCHOOL Class of the 1980s that lived to see the 90s.

Early on, because all the PLAGUE seemed to kill were unwanteds - IV drug addicts and GAY men -we learned that one of our unique qualities, our invisibility was a terrible liability. We organized worldwide. Maybe you remember a very powerful political alliance called "ACT UP!" WE'RE HERE! WE'RE QUEER! GET USED TO IT! We were socially disobedient, loud and we were right out there in public and everything. I've chanted that rhyme in parades in city streets nationwide.

Thank you my loving God that Gay men, for whatever reason, SPARKLE just a little. I don't mean to leave out our Lesbian sisters, but early on we needed every tap-dancing, showtune crooning, hairdressing, head to toe Drag Queen on the planet to SPARKLE bright RED! Their mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and grandmothers and grandfathers and teachers banded together and REFUSED to let us die. They sewed us a quilt that covered the capitol lawn. We may take for granted the multicolored ribbons for breast cancer or lost children or heart illness BUT the VERY FIRST and ONLY ribbon was the RED RIBBON worn during the 1985 TONY AWARDS ceremony to honor a class of young talented men mostly who were dying.

The worst part was that we were largely an invisible minority. We had to become visible and loud or we would all die in respectful silence. I had never been all that "OUT." Afterall, whom one sleeps with is usually the business of whores and gossips. This disease that killed us BECAUSE of whom we loved forced us to do away with SILENCE and INVISIBILITYand DEMAND that every "favorite uncle" "school marm" "Rock Hudson" "choir director" "playwright" "actor" and even quiet private K.D.Lang step up and question "how'd you like to try get along without us?"

I am blessed, so blessed in this life because I have a quick wit, a sense of humor and make friends easily - always have, always will. During my High School and college days, I was often the "only gay person" people knew - AND they liked me. When a deadly disease made Gay men scary It became very important to me that everyone that liked me knew I was Gay. Even more so when I became a "poster child" for the disease itself in 1995. Millions of dying African children aren't as charming, funny and smart as I am at a party. When I explain my disease, the treatment, I'm not scary. HIV/AIDS is.

As things stand AIDS research wise, 15-19 vaccine trials are moving along at about the same pace. The lead trial has run into it's first set of obstacles in human trials. Since the remaining vaccines work along similar methods we are looking a another decade of lost work. The millions in Africa, India, Russia, China that will benefit from the regime of Anti-retroviral drugs being made available now will live relatively full lives. For third world countries 50-60 years. At a dozen years into my own struggle, maybe I get 60 years too.

So that's why I talk about my sexuality, my terminal illness. Things whispered are feared.

LOOK! UP ON MY THIGH! IT's A BIRD! ITs A PLANE! IT', uh it's you! nasty get down!

When I was a chilld , I wished that I had a super-power DEATH-RAY that I could shoot from my eyes. Thirty years later, and it's clear I got a BORE-YOU-TO-DEATH-RAY that I shoot from my mouth - be careful wishing.
Above is Terrell Owens 2007-08 Cowboys uniform....too much? Next my attempt at the HUMAN TORCH : too many peple think there's a problem when you "Flame-ON!" (never mind the deluge of "go-Girl" that follows) and douse you before you can explain that being on fire is your super-power so most of the time it's like being the Human Guy with Wet Hair and inflammable shorts.

Then there's the classisc, all-american, never married, frequently in the company of same-sex minors, Lycra-wearing, said you'd call again but that's all you "super' guys can manage...sure, kid, I'll call ya!...feeble

The Harder I Think, The Decider I Get

C.I.A./NSA Link OSAMA BIN LADEN to KING OF THE MOON

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a high level Administration Staffer confirmed," All our worst fears are now realized. Apparently toying with FELIX and POINDEXTER is no longer sufficiently EVIL for MASTER CYLINDER and he has joined OSAMA BIN LADEN in declaring war against the Infidel."

What could this UNHOLY ALLIANCE mean? An endless supply of 1930's automobile parts to begin with...


...also...why does MASTER CYLINDER have nipples? Does that worry anyone but me?

GOVERNMENT WARNING:FELIX LINKED TO TACHYCARDIA

Felix the cat
The wonderful, wonderful cat
Whenever he gets in a fix
He reaches into his bag of tricks

Felix the cat
The wonderful, wonderful cat
You'll laugh so much your sides will ache
Your heart will go pit-a-pat
Watching Felix the wonderful cat

satire

The following satirical piece is written "as if" I am a close-minded buffoon who believes that unless English is made our official language (shouldn't we be able to speak it above a 4th Grade level first?) we will somehow be compromised as a nation. HOGWASH!

Begin satire now:

Now I betchur wondrin' (he goes colloquial for the slope shouldered, mouth breathing set) what has my RED, WHITE AND TRUE BLUE drawers twisted so tight I'm chewin' on the waist band? Well, I'll tell ya'll!

Why is it when I go to my neighborhood fast-food establishment to refill the tummy at midday, I AM FORCED TO ORDER IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE...SPANISH YET? The language of our 21st Century Conquistadors who earn $3/hr & come pouring over our unguarded borders armed with a desire to eat and feed their children.

Whether I have my sights on TACO BELL, TACO JOHN's (must be where Taco Ho's eat) TACO BUENO or my favorite ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET PANCHO'S, Each and Every food item has to be ordered in its MEXICAN name.

Burrrritto Enchilada Salsa Tortilllia Chimmy Chamanga Quesadillio...the list goes on and on.

Are these MEXICAN owned restaurants?...Hell no, nobody that works there earns enough to own the joint!

Just who are these establishments catering to? Illegal Alien Mexican Immigrant Criminals? Cain't be! They don't earn enough to eat there!

I am left with one OUTRAGEOUS UNFOUNDED ASSUMPTION that DEFIES LOGIC and therefore must be the TRUTH!

We white- , uh I mean red-blooded GOD BLESS AMERICANS are slowly becoming BI-LINGUAL which is just one titch removed from BI-PARTISAN or *gulp* BI-SEXUAL!!!

It's time to purify your menu AMERICA! DROP THAT CHALUPA before you start saluting the MEXICAN Flag (which is oddly tortilla-shaped.)

COME ON, GET MAD, GET STUPID, USE LOT'S OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND ASTERISKS (!!!!!********)

IF YOU THINK I'M A RAMBLING XENOPHOBIC (look it up, someone you know has a dictionary) HILLBILLY AND YOU AGREE WITH MY HEIGHTENED SENSE OF PARANOIA (dictionary) PASS THIS MESSAGE ON!

IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH MY IDIOTIC STANCE AGAINST THE SLOW MALEVOLENT CREEP OF ETHNIC FOODS AND THEIR EFFECT ON YOUR PATRIOTISM THAN... YOU ARE JUST PART OF THE COMBINATION PLATTER.

READ IT! EAT IT! DELETE IT! BUT MOST OF ALL, FORWARD IT WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING IT! GOD BLESS LOU DOBBS!

fear

i have a tiny fear so small it itches in my head.
i think it only sometimes when i'm safely in my bed.
what if the thing that keeps me living may someday leave me for dead?
it must be clearly marked, a switch, a tiny switch so small the itch.
or knobs that need to be adjusted just to breathe. what if mine's busted?
the doctor says YOU'RE JUST DEPRESSED and ARE YOU SUICIDAL?
i answer no i've never been could that be coincidal?
a fail-safe switch for when i'm dark so i can live tomorrow.
i have a tiny switch so small it itches in my head.
a safety-switch that makes me smile at night when i'm in bed.

I am Auditioning to Replace ex-Planet Pluto with Me!

Imagine, my giant blue head orbiting the sun in an enormous eliptical orbit that takes more than a human lifetime to complete. Who knows, at some time of the year I might apear as a faint blue speck in the firmament.

Planet Timothy! A place so cold it burns, so hot you freeze! And the atmosphere is so open and accepting that it is INSTANTLY DEADLY to Rednecks, Bigots, Hypocrits, the Self-Righteous, televangelists, Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwel, Rush Limbaugh, skinheads, Osama Bin Laden, O.J. Simpson, Scott Peterson, Dr. Philand the Willing Stupid.

It's World AIDS Day and I'll Cry If I Want To