Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The following satirical piece is written "as if" I am a close-minded buffoon who believes that unless English is made our official language (shouldn't we be able to speak it above a 4th Grade level first?) we will somehow be compromised as a nation. HOGWASH!
Begin satire now:
Now I betchur wondrin' (he goes colloquial for the slope shouldered, mouth breathing set) what has my RED, WHITE AND TRUE BLUE drawers twisted so tight I'm chewin' on the waist band? Well, I'll tell ya'll!
Why is it when I go to my neighborhood fast-food establishment to refill the tummy at midday, I AM FORCED TO ORDER IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE...SPANISH YET? The language of our 21st Century Conquistadors who earn $3/hr & come pouring over our unguarded borders armed with a desire to eat and feed their children.
Whether I have my sights on TACO BELL, TACO JOHN's (must be where Taco Ho's eat) TACO BUENO or my favorite ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET PANCHO'S, Each and Every food item has to be ordered in its MEXICAN name.
Burrrritto Enchilada Salsa Tortilllia Chimmy Chamanga Quesadillio...the list goes on and on.
Are these MEXICAN owned restaurants?...Hell no, nobody that works there earns enough to own the joint!
Just who are these establishments catering to? Illegal Alien Mexican Immigrant Criminals? Cain't be! They don't earn enough to eat there!
I am left with one OUTRAGEOUS UNFOUNDED ASSUMPTION that DEFIES LOGIC and therefore must be the TRUTH!
We white- , uh I mean red-blooded GOD BLESS AMERICANS are slowly becoming BI-LINGUAL which is just one titch removed from BI-PARTISAN or *gulp* BI-SEXUAL!!!
It's time to purify your menu AMERICA! DROP THAT CHALUPA before you start saluting the MEXICAN Flag (which is oddly tortilla-shaped.)
COME ON, GET MAD, GET STUPID, USE LOT'S OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND ASTERISKS (!!!!!********)
IF YOU THINK I'M A RAMBLING XENOPHOBIC (look it up, someone you know has a dictionary) HILLBILLY AND YOU AGREE WITH MY HEIGHTENED SENSE OF PARANOIA (dictionary) PASS THIS MESSAGE ON!
IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH MY IDIOTIC STANCE AGAINST THE SLOW MALEVOLENT CREEP OF ETHNIC FOODS AND THEIR EFFECT ON YOUR PATRIOTISM THAN... YOU ARE JUST PART OF THE COMBINATION PLATTER.
READ IT! EAT IT! DELETE IT! BUT MOST OF ALL, FORWARD IT WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING IT! GOD BLESS LOU DOBBS!