Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Air-Traveler's Prayer

Lord, as I soar Heavenward tomorrow please keep me safe in your hands.
Protect me from the Man who thinks HIS life story is as interesting as mine.
Lead me not into flatulence and may I not be flatulent unless there is a toddler nearby to blame. "Oh what a lot a gas fer a little fella!"
May my ears be clean and free of flakys as may the ears of the sucker in the middle seat who booked last minute.
May I not be seated near the suckling babe for we know that's a waste of a boobie sighting.
Protect me from the men from those teeny bladder commercials, talkative ten year olds who aren't easily intimidated by a withering stare and groups of teenage girls traveling anywhere, at anytime, on any conveyance, ever.
May the Airline Magazine Crossword be not screwed up by someone with a single digit pen.
Bless the Pilot, may he not greet us as "the Pilot, from the Cockpit," where the hell does he think we think he is?
May the Aircrew all pee clean.
May the Sky-Waitresses be efficient witout being perky, especially if they're in their forties.
And if there must be Male Stewardesses let them know WE CAN ALL TELL, YOUR SECRET IS OUT.


No comments: