Wednesday, January 23, 2008

THE STINKY DIARIES Entry 5 - NOW WITH MUSIC!

MILK - The Judy's


If you're not listening to the music I selected, I suggest you turn it on now... I'm waiting...

Usually Fat-Daddy's music collection bores the litter-clumps out of me but this cut by The Judy's is an exception. Apparently they recorded it in a past century called "The 80's." I wasn't alive way back then but it must have been a magical time from the way Fat-Daddy's eyes well up with tears whenever he talks about them - or when he smells fried-food or catches his reflection in the mirror, for that matter. Maybe they were a time of sad introspection or reckless indulgence, whatever. They're over! Time's a wasting! First decade of the new century is nearly over! Wakey wakey! Eggs and bakey! Ooops! Sorry, Fat-Daddy! Egg-whites and turkey-bakey, err, bacon.

But where was I? Music! Like I said, Fat-Daddy's iTunes are like a time machine with the controls set on "personal nostalgia." Not that Skinny-Daddy's any better. In his room it's like being trapped in a Gay bar that never closes or breaks for the Drag Show! Thumpa thumpa thumpa! My whiskers - anyone ever heard of "age-appropriate?" Gay-Disco and T-shirts from the Junior's department? The things I endure!

I must apologize for taking so long to post again. Since Fat-Daddy got back from his 2 week holiday where they fed him in bed, responded to his every call, pumped him full of hot and cold running narcotics, wiped his ass and well, yes, cracked him opened like a lobster tail - it's meow, meow "my chest hurts" meow "I can't lift that" meow, meow "I can't feed the cat" meow "you'll have to change her litter" meow "I nearly died" meow, meow "I'm crying because I'm depressed" meow, meow, meow! Talk to the paw! Fat-Daddy! You've got to wake up and smell the catnip! The sun is shining, come on PET STINKY!

But enough about him, what have I been up to? I know you're dying to ask. Early this morning I had fun with a little ball-of-yarn I call "misdirection." After I finished my 5 am pre-breakfast snack, I noticed that one of my food dishes was nearly empty and that my water dish was ROOM TEMPERATURE! Heart attack, schmart-attack. Get out of bed, Fat-Daddy and make things right! Not that he's the easiest thing to awaken anymore. First I climbed atop his heaving belly - I wasn't sure if I should wake him or get someone to keep him wet while I called Sea-World - I chose the former. I went to work "kneading" his gut with my nails while howling at the top of my lungs. As soon as his eyes fluttered, I turned so that his first sight upon waking was of my pretty little kitty-pucker. You might as well look! I spend so much time cleaning it.

Like a "woolly mammoth the morning-after" he made his way to the kitchen and dutifully filled my food dish and freshened my water while I continued to coach him with my vocalizations. The instant my newly filled water dish touched the floor, I abruptly stopped howling, turned tail and returned to the bedroom where Skinny-Daddy was apparently trying to summon the Sun by single-handedly snoring it from the other side of the Earth. Some nights he's so loud, I'd smother him with a pillow if I thought I could pin it on the Fat One and keep the apartment.

Same WAKE-UP! routine, only twice as loud to get this one up. If you think getting Shamu to roll off her blow-hole and feed me is a trick, you ought to try getting the Un-Dead to bat an eyelash. My extra-crazy yowling even brought Fat-Daddy into Skinny-Daddy's bedroom to check on us. But - you guessed it! - the moment they were both in the same room at 5:15 and wide awake for absolutely no reason I casually made my nest in Skinny-Daddy's bed, turned and laid down to sleep. For a moment they blinked and discussed why I might have wanted them BOTH awake at this hour? Fat-Daddy even sniffed the air for smoke - like I'm meowin' Lassie saving hapless Timmy from being burned in his sleep (like he wasn't always too busy falling down a well or abandoned mine-shaft!) I dozed off as Fat-Daddy made his way back to the kitchen to make coffee.

My god! I kill me! Anyhoo, I must go now. I was up for four hours yesterday and I really must catch-up on some pretty sleep!

2 comments:

hollholl said...

So funny! I think Stinky is in cahoots with my dog. 5:15 am, jingle jingle, whine whine, human lumbers out of bed, opens door -- what, I should go outside?! Can't you see it's *cold* out there!

linda said...

Fat Daddy and Skinny Daddy? Wow. Now I know how the cats tell us apart. Not by our voices, but by our shapes. Or maybe Stinky is just not wanting you to know his inner feelings of mushy love for you. Either way, I swear your cat and my cats are in cahoots with each other.